January 2012
16 posts
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I am so tired.
Need spring break.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Mr. T.: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.
Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.
The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.
Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.
Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.
Othello: Jealousy.
Dr. Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.
Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.
Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.
Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.
Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.
Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.
Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.
Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.
Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter.)
Hamlet: That is not the question.
Donne: It crosseth for thee.
Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.
Constable: To get a better view.
Yeats: She was following the Faeries that sang to her to come away with them from the dull, bucolic comfort of the farmyard to the waters and the wild.
Shelley: 'Tis a metaphor for the pursuits of man: though 'twas deemed an extraordinary occurrence at the time, still it brought little to bear on the great scheme of time and history, and was ultimately fruitless and forgotten.
Tolkien: Chickens are respectable folk, and well thought of. They never go on any adventures or do anything unexpected. One fine spring day, as the chicken wandered contentedly around the farmyard, clucking and pecking and enjoying herself immensely, there appeared a Wizard and thirteen Dwarves who were in need of a chicken to share in their adventure. Reluctantly she joined their party, and with them crossed the road into the great Unknown, muttering about how rude the Dwarves were to take her away on such short notice, without even giving her time to brush her feathers or fetch her hat.
Poe: The fowl was driven to utter, fervent madness-- it lept 'cross the path in the hopes that sweet death might take his wanton body- by the lead foot of a passerby, the barreling coach of a postman!- and put an end to the mania which had puzzled and tormented him ever since That Day.
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Anonymous asked: 7. What last made you laugh until you cried?
Anonymous asked: 12!
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ON iTUNES. PLAY A SONG AND PRESS 'CTRL+T'...
thatsociallyawkwardkid:
laugh-addict:
THE WHOLE WORLD SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS
OH MY GOD
GENEIOUS ! ( wow i cant spell ! )
Holy Geezus that’s amazing… :O
Wanna Laugh???try this awesome blog!
I just did this and all of the above emotions did indeed occur. Ngl, windows media player now forever fails even more in comparison!
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: END OF YEAR MEME, WHAT FUN HOW TO: open a new... →
HOW TO: open a new text post and type letters a-z into the tags and take your favorite tag it suggests and post it out of context. this only works if you use tags as obsessive conversational add-ons like me, and if your computer saves the tags you’ve used before. A-apple, b -books c-cinemax, d-dog, e-ego, f- funny, g-green, h-Harry Potter, i-iphone,j-Joy Division, k-know when to shut...
December 2011
15 posts
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Being Sexy.
lovexdiyah:
expectations»
reality»
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I got my 8 year old cousin HP&PS.
-hogwarts:
And I wrote her a card saying:
Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoy this book as much as I do. May the magic grow in you! Have fun with Harry, Ron and Hermione.
Love, Allysah
This is what I plan to do for my niece and younger cousins when they start reading. I feel like not sharing it would be selfish. <3
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For Christmas I've gotten...
An HP Laptop which I’m extremely happy with.
Photoshop cs5 which I’m even more happy with.
A Waffle Maker.
A Drink Mixer (smoothies anyone?).
A Nikon Coolpix Camera with accessories. [:
6 Different Tutorial Books on how to draw in different styles.
Dance Central 2 (I really need to finish DC1 first buuuuut…)
Catching Fire (Which I will begin reading asap).
Forever...
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August 2011
39 posts
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Just tweeted this “Hahaha just used the...
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Firefox!
Chrome!
Opera!
Safari!
IE. Derp.
I guessed each one and then got down to the toilet and was like “hmm..” and then I see IE and cracked up laughing ahahaha. How awesome.
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I just found an old note.
It was written to me back when I was in junior high. I’d written my friend telling her that I had a crush on this guy. It appeared to me that he hadn’t even noticed me, though. She wrote back and part of the letter said the following:
“…you don’t give guys a chance to really see you because you always have your face buried in a book, or are talking about things...
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Watchsparra:
My 300th RECord and attempt at fine tuning Regarding Cities! Check it out here: http://hitrecord.org/records/472798
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“You are my sweetest downfall, I loved you first.”
– Regina Spektor
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-hogwarts:
Dear girls everywhere,
Bruno Mars may take one grenade for you, but we take hundreds every day and expect nothing in return.
Sincerely, guys in the army.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just saw this on dear blank please blank. ugh anything about the army just hits me. idek why i dont even have family in the army..
i guess its just because the thought of HAVING someone special go to...
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If you’ve ever listened to Whitesnake,...
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When attractive guys wear dress shirts with their...
I love this gif. xD Such a perfect choice.
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PRAY FOR LONDON
lifeoffcourse:
No. This is NOT the time to reblog pictures of guys with abs. NOT the time to reblog a tweet from a celeb saying how much they love their fans. NOT a time to reblog girls in pretty clothes. NO. Tonight is about London. And the countless number of people risking their lives to help the city, instead of destroying it. It IS the time to pray for London. NOT time for anything else.
...
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